Chosen Vessel

So it’s been quite some time since I blogged,  2 years to be exact. Our family has grown so much, being a momma of 7 has kept me very busy. 

I found myself struggling a couple of months ago. I reached out to a my dear friend Saige for advice. She gave me the best advice, “ start writing again Val, that is your happy place.” So here we are. 

I have decided to write about my son Asnake.

I asked Asnake if I could share some things about him. He did give me permission to share.

My son’s story is his story to tell. I will not write or speak about anything that is very personal to him. 

Asnake has been home almost 2 years. To say he is thriving is an understatement. He is excelling at school, track, soccer, friends, being a big brother and younger brother. ( Side note: also excelling at loving his momma :) 

He fits in our family like he has always been here. 

We are beyond blessed to call him our son.

 In this post I wanted to take a moment to recognize and shout to the world about my son’s faithfulness. Asnake and his sister remained orphans in an orphanage for 7 years. They became teenagers in an orphanage. You all know the fears and the emotions of being a teenager, now multiply that by 20, living in an orphanage.

My son suffered TRAUMA. Enough trauma to break any “strong” child or even adult. 

When  I sit back and think about the trauma he had to go through, I sob! A couple weeks ago I found myself hiding in my basement with my husband, crying for my son. 

I got a good cry out, Dried my tears and walked back up the steps with a “broken” smile on my face. I can’t imagine how many of those cries he has had. I had my husband to cry to, he cried alone. 

But he will tell you he was NOT alone. He had God by his side. 

Asnake read the Bible everyday and prayed to his Father. He asked his Father to protect his sister and him. He asked for a family everyday. Asnake said to me, 

“ Mom , it was so hard to watch everyone get a family, even the kids who didn’t pray or even believe in God. Mom, I would get so mad at God and tell him, I’m done! But that did not last long, I was to scared to be mad at God. I would tell God I’m sorry and went back to praying!

Mom, I would pray in the bathroom because it was the only place to be alone with God.”

These are my son’s words. My son, a teenage boy, in the middle of the most violent storm you can be in, but he was faithful.  Did you read that?!?!?.. TEENAGE BOY IN A HORRIBLE STORM REMAINS FAITHFUL!

The kind of faith  that brings me to my knees. 

Satan attacked my child but he did not defeat him.

Satan wants you to hide from God and deceive God. God wants you to come to him with every honest, painful detail and that’s just what my son did.

I am having a hard time with this though. I just keep thinking this: Trust in a God who could have prevented the pain, trust in a system that was supposed to defend him but it didn’t, and the pain and trauma runs much deeper. 

Being his momma, I want answers! My heart will forever hurt for him. WHY GOD!!!! I have been reading the Bible searching for any answer. 

In the Bible I have read some ugly, awful stories about traumatic experiences among God’s faithful ones. God didn’t intervene to prevent the abuse. God didn’t micromanage the suffering, or give the victims a clean and quick “recovery story.” And yet He still put them on stage in his redemptive story. I have to believe these stories I have read are a lot like my son’s story. Asnake has an amazing redemption story, all for God’s glory. 

Our storms might look different in this life, but they all offer the opportunity to change us, forever. And God can take what seems tragic and devastating to turn it around for good. 

God already knew what Asnake was made of, but perhaps He wanted Asnake to learn what he was made of. I think we would all agree that we learn more from our tough times than from our easy times. 

We are often “taught” Jesus will make the pain go away. Sometimes He does in this life, sometimes He doesn’t. But it is important to know that trauma is not a life sentence. It’s not something that has to control us forever. No trauma is bigger than God. 

I know God remembers the evil that caused my son’s pain . One day, he will bring all of it into the light with crystal clarity and perfect justice.

We know that God loves His children. We know that part of His plan is to allow evil to exist in the world. We know that if we’re still alive, we have work to accomplish. We know that the Savior suffered, not only for our sins, but also for our pains and suffering, and we know that one day He will conquer the evil one, answer all our questions, and bless us. 

Asnake is my son, my hero, he is light!

He is strong! He is faithful! I’m honored and blessed to watch his redemption story and anyone who knows him is blessed by him also. 

I’m so happy we said yes, when we saw Asnake and Bizuye’s faces. When we saw their faces they had been waiting 5 years for a family, and with a lot of fight it took 2 years after we said yes to get them home. We are sooooo grateful God has blessed us with them. God knew while you were waiting, you had a really crazy momma from Van Wert, Ohio who was coming to your country to fight for you! 

I’m so honored to watch my son live out his purpose for God’s glory. NOTHING CAN STOP HIM! 


These are some of my sons's journal while he was waiting for a family:

God is Love

Don't be Selfish(Help Others)

The process is done...ADOPTED this day!!